Why Parents Need DBT Too
You want to help your kid. You’ve tried everything. You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and just want something—anything—to finally work.
Then someone mentions DBT. Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Maybe it’s a therapist. Maybe it’s a desperate late-night Google search.
And the instinctive response from most parents?
"Fix my kid."
But here’s what I’ve learned in nearly two decades of doing this work:
Lasting change doesn’t happen in isolation.
DBT works best when the environment changes too. That means you—the parent, caregiver, or partner—have to learn the skills too.
Before you protest (“But I’m not the one with the problem!”), let me explain.
Imagine your teen is learning DBT. They’re working hard. They’re showing up. They’re trying. But then they go home to the same dynamics that left them dysregulated in the first place.
There’s no modeling of skills. No reinforcement.
Sometimes, there’s even subtle (or not-so-subtle) invalidation.
And it’s not intentional. It’s just…what we’ve always done.
We can’t have an AA meeting at a bar.
That’s what it’s like when we ask someone to practice emotional regulation in an emotionally chaotic environment.
So let’s flip the script.
What if you learned the skills too?
What if your household had a shared emotional language?
What if you knew how to validate without agreeing, de-escalate without enabling, and respond without reactivity?
What if your teen didn’t just have a therapist—but a coach at home too?
I’ve seen it again and again:
When parents do the work, the whole system begins to shift.
The connection deepens.
The chaos softens.
The change sticks.
So no, DBT isn’t just for your teen.
It’s for the whole family.
Because when everyone’s working the skills, healing isn’t just possible—it’s inevitable.
