The Fear of Doing Things Differently
We say we want change.
We mean it, too.
We want to feel better. We want our relationships to improve. We want to stop the spiral before it starts.
But here’s the truth I see every single day:
Most of us are scared to death of doing things differently.
Not because we’re broken—but because we’re human.
Change sounds good on paper.
Until it means we have to pause instead of explode.
Breathe instead of retreat.
Validate instead of defend.
Stop doing what we’ve always done—even when what we’ve always done hurts us.
I call it FOTU: Fear Of The Unknown.
It’s sneaky. It convinces you the old way—no matter how painful—is at least familiar. At least predictable.
But here’s the truth:
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
And the longer you wait to act, the louder that fear becomes.
So what do I tell my clients?
Do the thing you’ve never done.
Even if it’s clumsy. Even if it’s quiet. Even if your voice shakes while you say,
“I’m going to try something different this time.”
That’s the moment change begins.
Because here’s the thing about DBT, or any real work of healing:
It’s not about perfection.
It’s about willingness.
It’s about practicing new skills when everything in your nervous system is screaming for the old ones.
And I promise you—
Even if you can’t see it yet, there’s something better on the other side of FOTU.
It’s not instant. It’s not always easy.
But it’s worth it.
Dare to change.
Change is scary.
Do it anyway.