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Check the Facts

12/12/2018

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This is the DBT skill that shows you how to check yourself before you wreck yourself.  Sorry for the corny pun, I could NOT resist.  Check the Facts is one of my favorite, most shared  and personally used skill from the 80+ DBT skills out there.  

The story in our heads is far more dramatic, twisted, exciting overall than generally what the facts of a situation or encounter are if we allow it to be.  

Am I saying we are all making shit up in our heads?  Kinda.  

We all come equipped with our judgments, assumptions, beliefs and interpretations of encounters and events all pre-loaded and ready to fly.  
With that being said ... again with the pumping of the brakes, pump the brakes! ... this is what we need to do to slow down and not allow ourselves to get carried away with the feelings & big emotional reactions these assumptions can spark, fuel and engulf us.    It is ok to think it, it is not ok to act on it, especially without Checking the Facts. 

After using the STOP skill lets look at the facts supporting our big emotion/assumption.  Do the facts support this reaction?  If so, proceed mindfully.

If not ... STOP!  Do not act on that urge to relieve yourself of all your negative thoughts onto someone else, to pass judgement, to cry uncontrollably, to blame them for everything, hurt or throw anything.  

This is the time you slow things down and try to conjure up the appropriate feeling/emotion to go with what is actually happening.  Not what you are afraid might happen, what you think could happen and certainly stay away from all shoulds at all costs!  The shoulds come with a blanket of shame and a pillow of guilt, = no rest = no thanks! 


Keep trying, we can only improve as we go.  Thanks for reading! 
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Deconstructing Emotions - Where are those coming out of no where" big emotions really come from

12/10/2018

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Big Emotions often feel like they simply come out of nowhere!
 Like a giant scary wave crashing down on us. (riding the wave is a skill for later)  
As long as we are going through life on auto-pilot all of those observations are correct.  
We learn from our mistakes right?!?!  And I have made a ton of them, hence I know so much now. 


How about we pump the brakes, slow things down by deconstructing our emotions. Taking a look back at what happened the last time we had a big emotion, we will find there are lots of factors at play rather than "It just happened" , "I can't stop it once it starts", "You made me feel that way" " I wouldn't have yelled if you didn't do <insert whatever action happened that was not your fault, doing or within your control from your perspective of course>.  The list goes on and on how we describe emotions that go from 0 to 60 in no time.  
  • Breaking down  what really happens before we get to that emotion. We need to check in with our Vulnerability factors - this is what happened before to make us vulnerable to the prompting event?  How was our eating, sleeping, are we stressed, worried, having a rough day,  what kind of mood are we in? Retell  the story of what led up to the event to yourself. 
  • Prompting Event (aka. Trigger) - What "set off" the emotion? What happened in the few minutes right before the emotion started? Just the Facts! 
  • Interpretation - Thoughts, assumptions, appraisals and beliefs about the Prompting Event 
  • Biological Factors - Face & Body Changes and Experiences: Asking ourselves "What am I or was I feeling in my face and body?" Paying attention to our Action Urges = "What do I or did I feel like doing? What do I or did I want to say?"
  • Emotional Response/Urge - Face and Body Language: "What is or was my facial expression? Posture? Gestures?" Expression with words= "What I said" and finally Actions - "What I did! "
  • Emotion Name - Naming the emotion now and rating its intensity from 0-100
  • After effects - The emotions, behavior, thoughts, etc. arising as a result of all of the above ... the aftermath, the emotional burning building we walked out of or was it effective? Did we slow it down enough to avoid making it worse? 

 I'm hoping it gets more and more effective as you practice being more mindful and understanding how emotions truly arise.  Until next ime ... 

Keep trying, you are getting better each day and thanks for reading. 
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S.T.O.P!

12/10/2018

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One of the Best DBT Skills and sounds the simplest! 
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S - Stop what you are doing 
​
T - Take a step back from what is going on ... especially if you are feeling over whelm, take a step back!
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O - Observe what is happening not only in the moment you are in, also in YOUR BODY.  Is your heart racing, are your palms sweaty, is your brain going to fast to catch a thought, how is your tummy feeling

P - Proceed Mindfully! Try Paced Breathing.  Slow everything down with the power of your breath.
​Do some square breathing (trace a box while you breath in for 5, out for 5, in for 5 and out <repeat!> until you can think/see straight.  Play around with the count of your breathing in and out.  Science tells us breathing out for 6-8 and in for 4-5 will calm us down faster.  Try it and let me know what happens! 


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    Audrey Roach-Slivinski, LCSW

    This is where I share what I know to be helpful to 100's.  I am a life long learner and obsessed with learning and living with these wonderful DBT Skills.  Intensively trained in DBT and offering the only groups of the kind in my metro area.  I adore what I do and  am fortunate as well as grateful to be able to  share this knowledge for over 15 years.  Trained @ NYU, the Yale Child Study Center, BTTI (Behavior Therapy Training Institute), under the mentorship of DBT Guru's - Dr. Charles Swenson & Nancy Gordon, LCSW, assisting me in bringing the best version of Evidence Based Therapies to my clients.    Attaining these skills as a teen = the sooner a level of peace and happiness can be achieved.  Life is painful naturally, my job is to teach others to tolerate that pain and not allow it to morph into suffering.  Excited to share ... thanks for reading! 

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