[insert sound of needle screeching off the record]
What is in our way to make the changes so obviously needed to improve our lives?
Seems easy to point out what needs to change (generally the outcome) or at least
what we don't want to continue feeling over and over.
I have more clients than I can count who masterfully express what they want different in their lives, what they no longer want to feel. Some sharing ideas of oversimplified advice "all I need to do is (insert easy peasy solution here)". Or the alternative is the lack of the how (extremely debilitating).
These same clients say they simply can't put the ideas into action for x, y & z reasons. All valid reasons and all of these reasons have one huge component in common.
What is standing in the way of acting on these needed changes?!?
It is FEAR ... FOTU (fear of the unknown), because we need another acronym.
Many of us hold onto damaging behaviors visibly destroying our relationships, keeping us from goals, increasing negative feelings and adding to the chaos of our lives. These are the same behaviors we've "always" done, the ones we magically anticipate a different outcome from, that will validate our feelings and get our needs met (I feel the frustration rising just typing this).
What do I tell my clients?
Stop doing what you've "always" done and lets try what you've "never" done.
Hear me out ... When we are feeling "triggered", our "buttons being pushed", I challenge my clients to let those triggered feelings rise up and resist the urge to engage. What did I say there? Do NOTHING. I am not saying stonewall someone, ignore or be rude. What I am saying is to let that wave of emotion crash over you and breathe through it before you respond. Zoom out, check the facts, is it even about you, then come back and tackle the issue together. I can assure you by taking a moment to allow those prickly heart racing emotions to rise and fall, your response and outcomes will be far closer to your goals. The goal is to not make it worse, right?!?
Eye on the prize.
Fear of the unknown is legit, I see it leave people frozen, the struggle is real. Mindfulness, self compassion/kindness and patience are my other best ideas for tackling it.
Dare to change, Change is scary, Do it anyway.
Until next time ... remember to breathe.