Here we are in last week's future, 2019!
The future is now so time to make it count.  I am not one for resolutions as I am more about resetting.  Resetting what I know is good for me and I need to do (notice no shoulds here).  
The end of the year brought a big health scare for me, truly putting things in perspective for me.  I can not keep giving more of myself than there is.  I know lots of people are nodding here as so many are guilty of this. So I have decided to embrace more mindfulness and self-love.
This is the year of self-compassion, self-kindness and most importantly, SELF CARE.  I am useless to help anyone if I give all of myself away.  Most importantly I want to be there for my family in health as well as happiness.  DBT's undercurrent is mindfulness with a heavy dose of nonjudgemental self compassion.  I am going to be keeping it moving by pumping the brakes more often.  Carving out time for my meditations, yoga, diving into this whole 30 for a reset to more mindful eating.  Essentially taking time for me in all the positives so I can be of more help to everyone else.  For those of us who feel we need to be all to everyone, consider this your permission slip to practice self care.  Please take care of yourself in this giant reset of a new year.  Make 2019 the year of self-care/kindness/compassion.  All your loved ones and those you serve will thank you for it.  
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Namaste my friends and wishing you all the best of the best this year xx

This is the DBT skill that shows you how to check yourself before you wreck yourself.  Sorry for the corny pun, I could NOT resist.  Check the Facts is one of my favorite, most shared  and personally used skill from the 80+ DBT skills out there.  

The story in our heads is far more dramatic, twisted, exciting overall than generally what the facts of a situation or encounter are if we allow it to be.  

Am I saying we are all making shit up in our heads?  Kinda.  

We all come equipped with our judgments, assumptions, beliefs and interpretations of encounters and events all pre-loaded and ready to fly.  
With that being said ... again with the pumping of the brakes, pump the brakes! ... this is what we need to do to slow down and not allow ourselves to get carried away with the feelings & big emotional reactions these assumptions can spark, fuel and engulf us.    It is ok to think it, it is not ok to act on it, especially without Checking the Facts. 

After using the STOP skill lets look at the facts supporting our big emotion/assumption.  Do the facts support this reaction?  If so, proceed mindfully.

If not ... STOP!  Do not act on that urge to relieve yourself of all your negative thoughts onto someone else, to pass judgement, to cry uncontrollably, to blame them for everything, hurt or throw anything.  

This is the time you slow things down and try to conjure up the appropriate feeling/emotion to go with what is actually happening.  Not what you are afraid might happen, what you think could happen and certainly stay away from all shoulds at all costs!  The shoulds come with a blanket of shame and a pillow of guilt, = no rest = no thanks! 

Keep trying, we can only improve as we go.  Thanks for reading! 

One of the Best DBT Skills and sounds the simplest! 

Change is in the air, it is the time of year for transition as the seasons change.
                           [insert sound of needle screeching off the record]

What is in our way to make the changes so obviously needed to improve our lives?

Seems easy to point out what needs to change (generally the outcome) or at least
what we don't want to continue feeling over and over.  
I have more clients than I can count who masterfully express what they want different in their lives, what they no longer want to feel. Some sharing ideas of oversimplified advice "all I need to do is (insert easy peasy solution here)".  Or the alternative is the lack of the how (extremely debilitating). 

These same clients say they simply can't put the ideas into action for x, y & z reasons.  All valid reasons and all of these reasons have one huge component in common. 

What is standing in the way of acting on these needed changes?!? 
 It is FEAR ... FOTU (fear of the unknown), because we need another acronym.

Many of us hold onto damaging behaviors visibly destroying our relationships, keeping us from goals, increasing negative feelings and adding to the chaos of our lives.  These are the same behaviors we've "always" done, the ones we magically anticipate a different outcome from, that will validate our feelings and get our needs met (I feel the frustration rising just typing this).  

What do I tell my clients? 
Stop doing what you've "always" done and lets try what you've "never" done.

Hear me out ... When we are feeling "triggered", our "buttons being pushed", I challenge my clients to let those triggered feelings rise up and resist the urge to engage. What did I say there?  Do NOTHING.  I am not saying stonewall someone, ignore or be rude. What I am saying is to let that wave of emotion crash over you and breathe through it before you respond. Zoom out, check the facts, is it even about you,  then come back and tackle the issue together.   I can assure you by taking a moment to allow those prickly heart racing emotions to rise and fall, your response and outcomes will be far closer to your goals.  The goal is to not make it worse, right?!?
​Eye on the prize.  
Fear of the unknown is legit, I see it leave people frozen, the struggle is real. Mindfulness, self compassion/kindness and patience are my other best ideas for tackling it.     

Dare to change, Change is scary, Do it anyway.

Until next time ... remember to breathe.